ABOUT THE BOOK
How has it been so far? “Don’t ask. I have been bending over a plastic bag filled with vomit and these terrible mood swings, I survived through it all. Make her understand that it’s not being easy on me either I am going through the pregnancy myself.How do I handle her mood her mood swings and her unpredictable behaviour. The hormonal rages. It’s as if I have my foot in the mouth. I don’t know what to do or what to say?
This is a man describing the start of the pregnancy. A helpless man who would endlessly watch his woman throw up rush and get a bucket or plastic bag by the bed side saving her the trip to the toilet.
There is not much of information available for expecting fathers said one exasperated father. Rakhi write about how we men can take care of our spouses at this time. How does a man figure out how to support his wife during this phase understanding pregnancy and the way it affects his partner mentally physically and emotionally?”
This book is a humble attempt to help an expecting father understand his woman. Hence together as a couple they make beautiful memories and bond through the family way.
A FEW LINES FROM THE BOOK.
Iattribute a great chunk of the success of my practice to the men being involved during the pregnancy. Men from all walks of life such as businessmen, IT professionals, celebrities, politicians, bureaucrats, military personnel, doctors, sailors, the whole lot of them. The men accompanied their women when they could and actively participated in the pregnancy.
They helped their spouse follow the instructions about diet and exercising.
They became excellent labor support partners. Nobody could do a better job than the father.
The natural birth numbers jumped. Gestational diabetes was controlled.Pregnancies and lifestyles became healthy.
Many marriages were saved, and the bond between the couple grew stronger. The expecting mother was happy. If there was a c-section, the recovery for the new mom was immediate.
Older couples came back to say their babies werehappy and gifted. The postnatal issues were handled smoothly.
It was all because there were two amazing people together doing what they were meant to do. Especially in our culturewhen the joint family system broke down giving rise tonuclear families.All the expecting women had was their spouse for support.
Every man is pregnant too. His baby grows in his heart while, in the women, the baby grows in her womb.
I BET is the game plan I have for expecting dads to get through their pregnancy.
Information: Knowing about the pregnancy
Sources of advice and informationhave only one purpose for you and your partner. You need to know if everything is alright with your baby. You cannot see your growing baby. Your wife feels the baby at times, but she does not have ways to communicate with her unborn child. To every pregnant woman, her baby is already born. The emotional attachment, the concern, the care, the giving, and the nurturing has already begun. She is already a mother. It just feels like her baby is in a faraway land somewhere within her. Her access to her child is at the bare minimum. Well, I would call it a long distance yet a very intimate relationship. It’s natural for her to want to find ways to figure out what is happening with her baby withinher womb. The first person she will choose to share her fears and doubts with is you.
Get yourself informed about what you need to know.
What is happening with her body
How the pregnancy progresses
Get informed about the basic process of childbirth
The purpose of having enough information and knowledge about how about the pregnancy progressesandthe various changes in her body and mind will help you clear her doubts, support her, instill confidence in her, and find your own peace.
Be there for her: Support her to do what is necessary for her and the baby’s benefit.
I believe that the expecting father is a father already even before his woman gives birth and becomes a mother. The pregnant woman is taking care of thefetus inside her. But a manhas to take care of his partner and the baby within her. The pregnancy changes his partner’s mind and body in so many ways that he has to deal with a new person. Being a parent is to have your heart walk around outside of you. Thereis the expecting woman and the little one inside her hovering around her man.
The man has to deal with the mood swings, the sleeplessness, acidity, and the hormonal changes. It’s like having to deal with a confusedpicky eating toddler throwing a tantrum. An expecting daddy is already a daddy way before his woman gives birth to his child.The training for fatherhood will start with your partner itself. By the time the baby is born, you are already a seasoned daddy. Start here. Start right now.
Find a way to be there for her, understanding how to contribute in a way that it will make an actual difference.
Be confused about your confused woman. Get ready to make mistakes and mess up. It’s all a part of the whole journey. Nobody is perfect,and if we don’t mess up, we will never learn or grow. But don’t ever quit trying
Figure out what you need to get doneand help her get it done to have a healthy pregnancy.
Don’t stress if she turns around and says you didn’t do it right. Trust me, she is confused and dealing with a whole host of issues. Behind your back, she will besmiling to herself, appreciativeof you, and even bragging about you to her friends and family. When it matters, she will stand by you like a rock
Everything about Eve: Knowing and understanding women
Here, I would like to share a memory of a conversation I had with an elderly woman in her fifties at a dinner
This woman walked up to me and said, “My daughter-in-law attended your classes. We and a lot of elders wondered and gently teased her about all the extra fuss. I watched her every day, going through her pregnancy, being close to normal, and smiling against everything. If her back hurt, she would stretch her back and get back to being normal. We all thought she was being picky, but she knew what to eat, and she suffered less from acidity and gas. I was so proud to see my son being so involved in her pregnancy. In the earlier days, we women were told all this was normal, so we went through it all but could we have done with more support and understanding? Yes. How I wished I could have my husband by my side more often. I missed him because the men were expected to stay away.
The icing on the cake was when my daughter-in-law was in labor, the only noise I heard was my grandson’s first cry. There was not a scream of pain from her. Women would have appreciated more care, empathy, and support from men in our times, during the pregnancy. We were younger and inexperienced women, married of earlier, and had our babies in our early twenties. We did quietly suffer in pain behind closed doors several times through the pregnancy and labor. I am so proud of my daughter-in-law and the son I raised.”
Women like to be wooed and made to feel special. They need to be told how much you care for them. Tell her that you care. Tell her you do feel what she is going through and you are trying to understand.
Those men bad at expressing themselves, learn a few lines. Practice it in front of the mirror Say those few lines to her and give her the confidence that you are around, you care, and she is not alone
Figure a few things that you can do consistently for your partner that helps her or makes her feel wanted and cared for.
These simple expressions and gestures go a long way in your relationship. How do you know that you need to fill gas in the car? If the fuel gauge doesn’t give you a reading at all, the vehicle would stop midway in the middle of nowhere. Show her that you care.
Take the labor out of labor: Supporting her through the childbirth process
There are three kinds of labor support partners:
The first kind:
I once had a very upsetgrandmom-to-be over. She was very disappointed with me. When her daughter was going through long hours of labor, breathing and taking each contraction slowly, the mother thought it was inhuman. Her daughter could have put an end to her misery by opting for a c-section instead of taking the tough long way. Apparently,her daughter was taking the advice from the classes very seriously about going through labor with dignity and grace. The grandmother herself had delivered her children naturally,but no woman could see her own child in pain. “Oh! My child is in so much pain. She does not deserve it,”she said. She definitely apologized to me for her sharp remarks and for succumbing under pressure on seeing her daughter in pain later. Her daughter was on her feet and recovering fast after the baby.
The second kind:
My own mother. When I was in labor, my mother’s attitude towards me was, “Suffer. I suffered. Now you suffer. What’s all this fuss about? Get on with your labor.” My mother was being supportive in her own way by not giving too much of importance to the pain.
Now comes the third kind: The man kind
The kind that won’t physically feel the pain and hasn’t felt the pain. This kind is not weak nor taking the experience for granted.
The kind that can focus on what to do because they are not in severe discomfort. They can think straight. That is the Man Kind, the father of the baby.
Moreover, nobody else in the world can be there for her unconditionally but the partner and the father of the baby. He will do everything inhiscapacity to keep his woman and their child comfortable and safe.
Men are practical. They follow what they learn well. They can stick to the manual and instructions, get things done, and be a great support in labor. Now be a part of the labor, participate and do things, or get things done around her, for her and for the baby.
Women who attended my sessionsin labor did cross stitch, watched movies, and played sudoku and various board games between the contractions. Women would wind up the household, lock the house, and then get driven to the hospital. One mother went straight to the hospital from work. She called her spouse and told him to get her bag to the hospital. The couples would breathe together, chuckle and giggle, support each other, and go through labor together to bring their baby into this world. One mother taught me that one can feel like a queen in labor.
It was after almost twenty-four hours of laborthrough the long nightbefore she was taken to labor room to deliver the baby. She asked for a clean sponge bath, she brushed her teeth, brushed her hair and plaited it, wore a thin line of Kohland a gloss, and hopped onto the wheelchair. Herattitude was I am going to be meeting my baby. I have been waiting to do so and I better look good when he or she looks at me.
I always told the expecting women during our labor walkthrough workshops to understand pain is inevitable and beyond our control but suffering or liberating ourselves through pain is a choice we make
Most women after giving birth told me that with their men beside them, they could take on the whole world.
You be kids too: The life of a daddy after the baby
And my mantra to enjoy and cherish parenthood is, “You be kids too.” Understand your newborn, judge less, expect even lesser, support amply, and grow in life all over again with your baby.
What if I told you that our children give birth to us, and not the vice versa? In the process of bringing our baby into this world, we are reborn again.
What if I told you that there is a way we could go back in time. We could relive theentire process of conception, being in the womb, and being born again in life?
We could go back, do it all over again. Do it the way we wanted to, and even better. It’s like getting a second chance at life all over from the startagain. We will be raising our children,but in the process, we will grow up once more.
Through the pregnancy, we could wonder at the whole process of the gestation of the human fetus and realize how we were nurturedagainst all the odds, and smothered in love and caring from our parents. If you haven’t realized how much your parents cared for you or have an unresolved issue in your childhood, you could go back and heal yourself.
What if we have the chance to go through the journey of learning how to cry, crawl, sit, walk, run, and learn to use our hands all over again along with recognizing people and forming concepts with innocence? As we continue doing so, we become childlikeagainand grow up with love, faith, andthe never-ending spirit of perseverance all over again.It wouldn’t matter how much we tried and failed; we never give up. No matter how someone treats us, we don’t hold grudges or let others opinions affect us. We live in the moment and enjoy it spontaneously and not bother about who is watching us or judging us. We begin to taste freedom in a true sense.
What if we go back and start learning to find the joy in thevery simple things and cherish life and its uninterrupted gifts?
We don’t do our children a favor by giving birth to them and raising them. We do ourselves a favor becausethrough our children, we give ourselves another chance to be born again. Life is a simple and beautiful journey. Laugh, chuckle, giggle, and tease each other. Kiss each other and let go of what needs to be gone. Nurture what has to be treasured. Get confused, learn, wonder, explore, and cherish every moment.You will learn all the above from your newborn, your baby, your child, your toddler.
Everyone is born a child by default, but as we grow up life, the world, experiences, institutions, and society confines us toa mold. Breaking away and finding innocence, freshness, and vibrancy in life all over again is becoming childlike consciously. So go through this journey of pregnancy and childbirth welcoming your little one and finding your way to your happily ever after…